The Benefits of Observing Lent Together as Husband and Wife!

When I started dating my husband I made the decision to observe Lent with him. I was raised in the Church of Christ and Lent was not a common practice, so it was a big, new step for me. He sweetly told me I didn’t have to do it but, I wanted to. I wanted to show my support for him and his beliefs. That year, he decided to read the book of Exodus and I thought it was a genius idea because Exodus has 40 chapters and I could easily read one chapter a day!

I loved everything about it! I loved the simplicity, the opportunity to read God’s word with him and discuss it, and learning more about him! I loved it so much that we have observed Lent together every year since!

In the days and weeks leading up to Lent we start talking about what we will do together as a team to observe Lent. We do not do our own thing but, instead we pick one thing, such as reading Exodus together. 

Observing Lent together has greatly benefited us and our marriage and played a part in my conversion to Catholicism and because of that, I would like to share some of these benefits.

As a husband and wife our main goal for each other is to help each other strive for, and by the grace of God, reach Heaven. One of the ways we do this is by holding each other accountable for our Lenten observances. If I forget to fast, or abstain from meat, or do penance, I can count on him to remind me and vice versa. We are also a competitive couple which helps us to complete our Lenten observances when we start to fail.

We also found that when we read and study God’s word together our bond is strengthened, even more so when we pray together. There is nothing like opening yourself up completely to your spouse in prayer. In doing so you let them know your heart’s desire, your deepest struggles and so much more. It’s not easy to do but it is humbling and unifying. If you have never prayed with your spouse I encourage you to do so! You will not regret it one bit. I felt so much love listening to him pray for me, our marriage and our kids and I’m sure he felt the same way.

There is great strength to be found in each other and yourself when you work together. Giving up processed foods was not easy for either of us but, Lent is not meant to be easy. There were times I would have killed, not literally, for chocolate and times when I had a massive migraine but, couldn’t have a Mt. Dew to get rid of it. I instead turned to him knowing that he was also dying for a cherry coke and hot fries, and that gave me strength because I knew I wasn’t alone. When we exercise together, and I am not at all the type to exercise, I dig deep to find the strength to prove to him I can do it! When I know someone is watching me and holding me accountable I am more likely to find the strength I need to succeed.

If you have never observed Lent together as a husband and wife, I encourage you to try! It’s not to late! Your marriage and your faith will be greatly blessed!

For some ideas, you could pray together, about each other, your marriage, your children or whatever God leads you to pray about. If it’s your first time, make it easier by praying the Rosary. You can read the Bible, do volunteer work together, find different ways to demonstrate love, compliment each other daily, tell each other why you love them or are thankful for them. There is so much you can do together to enrich your marriage and grow together in your faith!

 

How Disprespecting Your Spouse Doesn’t Just Harm Your Marriage!

Today, and perhaps throughout all of history the sacrament of marriage has been under attack in every way possible! Just this past weekend I overheard a married couple talking about their problems publicaly and loud enough to be heard, and yet another married couple who were not treating each other with respect. While this did not shock me, though it should, I was shocked to hear a woman say she was glad that she lived alone, in response to also overhearing the couples. It was not the first time I witnessed this type of behavior and I’m sure it won’t be the last either but, it was the first time I saw how damaging it was to the unmarried.

Let me first explain why her response shocked me on so many levels. When I heard her response my first thought was “it’s NOT like that in my marriage!” I am in no way saying my marriage is perfect or that my husband and I don’t have moments when we disrespect each other because we do. We, like everyone else, also have our moments of weakness. I was offended that this woman thought all marriages were played out like we had just witnessed. I am blessed that my husband and I are in a good place in our marriage and that we learned a lot about marriage before and after entering into the sacrament of marriage. I am also happy to be married and couldn’t imagine life without my husband and because of that I was filled with sadness for this woman.

I am sad that she doesn’t get to enjoy all the happiness that having a loving husband can bring. I am sad that because of the many attacks on marriage, she may not want to find all the many blessing that being married bring. I am sad that she and many others feel like its better to be single because there is more peace, less fighting, less stress, more money, more room to breathe and the list goes on. Not all people are made to be married, God did create some to be His, to do His work and their lives are fulfilled because of the love of the Father. I do not know if she is meant to be consecrated to God or not but, I do know that many people are made to find their vocation in marriage and many are scared to do so. They are scared because marriages fail everyday and hearts are broken. They are scared because some couples share their problems with the world and not enough couples in successful marriages speak out about what makes their marriage successful. It only takes one bad apple to ruin the bunch!

I am not saying that the couple discussing their problems were in the wrong. It’s a good and healthy thing to do, if you do it in the right place and out of love for each other, but doing so in public or in ear shot of others, even family, friends and children can be damaging, especially if they do not see you working faithfully and lovingly on your marriage. If you are in a rough spot in your marriage work it out and talk it out with each other in private or with a counselor. It takes a lot of strength to let go of your pride and talk to a counselor and each other about your marital problems. Do not be afraid to seek help! To those of you who have been in rough spots and worked it out in private, or with a counselor, do not be afraid to share that you have gone through trials and worked it out. The unmarried also need to know that it is possible to work out problems, even the worst of them. They need assurance that if and when they experience marital problems that there is hope and life afterwards and that love is made stronger for working it out!

Another reason her response shocked me was because, I never realized how harmful it was for the unmarried to hear a husband and wife talk to each other in disrespect. Everyone wants to be respected, it’s human nature. In marriage, respect for each other is very important and is one of the best ways to show love. Disrespectful words and actions, tear down others and destroys relationships but we all know this! So why was I shocked by this? I think it’s because disrespectfulness has become so normal and it’s something I see and hear everyday and it’s something I am guilty of myself. How can someone see that I love my husband if I am disrespecting him? They can’t, not if that is all they see! Maybe, this couple was having a bad day or maybe they are experiencing bigger problems, I don’t know. I can not pretend to know their situation but, I do know that, in that moment, their actions were an attack on not only their marriage but marriage in general. Was this couple aware of this attack, probably not, I have done it myself and wasn’t aware that it could have hurt anyone else other than my husband.

I say all of this because we need to be aware that when we attack our spouse or we talk publicly (not including talking to a counselor) about our marital problems it can and does harm marriage as a whole. It’s no surprise that almost as many, if not more marriages end in divorce than are successful. It’s no surprise that people are waiting longer to get married.

We need to change this! We need to show the unmarried how to be respectful, how to make the daily choice to love our spouse and how to overcome the hard times the right way!

If the only thing we show our youth and the unmarried is the disrespect and the heartache in our own marriages how will they ever see the beauty in the sacrament of marriage?